Not a poem, well not yet. lol. I suppose I write alot of poems to express how I feel. This is me getting tired of being vaig and getting real though. And whoever reads this know that I don't want to hear it and you know what I mean.

I quite cigarettes last week. eight days now and I must say I sure do want one tonight. I called her. The only one I ever truelly loved and gave my heart too. Tonight I called my life and she told my its her one month anniversary with her new fiance she hooked up with two weeks after dumping my heart in a ditch and did I mention they were engaged three weeks after going out. By the way she slept in my bed during that time and let me kiss her several times. Mistakes on my part thinking I could win her back with patience and love. But no the only thing that she really wanted was money and some one to take care of her. I tried but I'm just not good enough. I'll move on someday but today, tonight I want to cry and burry my face in the dirt.
Those that love me would say its foolish to call her and to maitain a friendship. I thought I could but I was wrong. My friends and family who do care, they are right. When she told me, told me what day today is I grabbed my chest. I don't think I ever felt anything so painfull. Not sharp like a heartattack but felt like that feeling you get when someone steps on your heart only this actally manifested in a physical sence and I felt every twist of her ancle. I think it might actually have led to a heartattack if I let it and if I continue this relationship. I love her and I thought I loved her enough to let her be happy and that was good enough. But, no, I was wrong. I love her more than that. I love her enough to walk away and let her live her life and throw away God's blessings and her friends for her own happiness. I can't watch her throw it all away. I can't see her suffer and I know its coming. She pushed not only me away but any one else who ever cared all because she didn't want to help them with thier problems because it interfered with her own suffering. Ok, so there is a little animosity built up, but maybe I'll feel better when the knife is out of my chest and I take the nails of of my heart. Maybe I'll feel better when I move on but let me tell you, love is a blessing and a curse. and this one was niether it was a test and trainging excercise. Wierd but yet that is what it was. And when I move on, when I find her, I mean the real one that God has for me, I'll love her even more and with all my heart soul and mind. She will feel the same for me. Until then I hope God will be with me and bless me in all my actions. May he bless my life and the lives of all who read this. Be wary though, don't let yourselfe get hurt. ON the other hand, put yourself out there only when your sure because the only true way to find the right one is to put your own heart at risk. When you do find her it will be so rewarding and you will treasure every second. Until then trust in God and may he bless your journey. Don't let life, love and God pass you by. And above all things trust in your friends. You may not like it, but they love you and want the best and they will be the most honest. Which is why you won't like it, because no one likes to hear the truth especcially when it isn't good.

A healing Soul.